"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."

Yesterday was not the day I expected it to be. I learned some new things about myself and I am really proud of the person I am. Some people are naturally self less. Some become self less as they experience life. In the end, I think when life hands us challenges it forces us to look at ourselves in the mirror and decide if we like what we see and can live with that image. I know that I can sleep easy at night.

We went to court yesterday for what was supposed to be the first of many. It turned out to be the first and the last. I am officially divorced.

Let me first start off by saying I am not going to go into all the details here. It wouldn't be completely fair as we know there are 3 sides to every story: your side, their side and the truth :-) I will just say that I compromised on a lot of things yesterday and gave up a lot of money and material things. But I also learned a big lesson. I learned the true meaning of  "Money can't buy you happiness".

There is no amount of money that can buy my sanity. Money is not ultimately the most important thing in my life. My children, my health, my peace of mind, my long term happiness are the most important things. I decided to let a lot of things that I was fighting for go (alimony, items from the home, tax exemptions). Apparently more then 10 years of marriage and dedicating my life to my family were not enough to warrant me some of the basics things I thought I deserved. I can look at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I am. Ulitmately, that's the only thing that counts.

I am saddened by one door closing yet excited for the many others that may open. I have big dreams, big plans and I plan to put my nose to the grindstone and make them happen.

I will be learning how to become self sufficient again. My ex took control over every financial aspect of our relationship/home and I haven't a clue of how much any things costs anymore. I luckily have an amazing mother who has been and will always be by my side every step of the way.

Today a few more clouds have lifted and the end of the storm is nearly here. My rainbow is slowly coming into view.

"One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it."  ~Sidney Howard