Compete to win!

I had a sit down with my coach today in which we discussed my workout plan and diet parameters for the next 3 weeks as well as how I was feeling about my progress and how my body felt and looked. During our hour long meeting I had a epiphany:
Since when I have I ever competed just to compete?! I ONLY compete to win. Period.

Trusting the process is often times one of the hardest things a person may have to do. Facing a truth is another. Accepting reality.....well, that right there is a whole 'nother something to swallow. A set back does not have to equal a defeat. How a person decides to digest these truths and whether or not they decide to take that blind leap of faith into that process whole heartily, is the deciding factor in whether or not they will persevere.

I have pushed through adversity. I have excelled at new things. I have perfected others on the first attempt. I have stayed strong physically, emotionally and mentally. I have faced fears. I have overcome obstacles. I have trusted my intuition. Why should I stop fighting now?

I am not just trying to survive this journey; I am trying to excel.  I am striving to be as close to perfection as possible. I really want to WIN! I will not settle for second best or a half ass attempt. I want to be the best that I know I can be by putting in the most effort, dedication and time I can.

The past month has been tough. So much going on in life compounded with the fact that I haven't had access to as much help as I have needed or wanted. No one's fault, really. Just how the cards have fallen over the past 30 days.

I refuse to lose this competition because I wasn't ready - physically, mentally or emotionally. I will only accept a loss if I know I have given 110%. If I can look in the mirror and truthfully tell myself that I tried my hardest, then I can accept a loss with grace. That is the only way I will be able to move on and try even harder for the next competition.

I know I have a lot of people in my corner cheering me on, pushing me to not give up, excited for my progress and really believing in me and not only what they know I can do but what I have already accomplished. It's hard to express how much I appreciate these gems in my life. Knowing I have so many people that care about me is priceless, however, this support translates to pressure.

I already put so much pressure and stress on myself to be the best, to be perfect. You have to understand that no one person is creating extra pressure on me it's just that for me it means I have that many more people I don't want to let down.

With all that being said, I have decided to postpone my debut in my first figure competition. I am just not ready. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.

I had hoped to be ready in enough time to get 2 shows under my belt before this particular federation's competitions moved out of geographical range for me to attend. It's just not in the cards. So, I will give myself another 7 weeks to prepare for the next one in range.

October 1st. OCB Sin City Natural in Las Vegas.

After that, I will have until March 2012 to prepare for the next OCB here in the Phoenix area. By then, I plan to have perfected my  training, dieting and posing.

A new day. A new resolve. Same goal. The best outcome.

I only play to win.