The decision has been made and it's time time to move forward.
Tomorrow starts another new chapter in this journey. I will be spending the next 12 weeks or so focusing on rebuilding the muscle and strength I lost when I was ill and forced to take time off from training. My main goal is to regain and surpass my previous strength, firm up and hopefully bulk up a bit too.
My diet will not be as restricted as it was when I was in full training mode. Instead of focusing on carb cycling and cutting body fat, I will be focusing on maintaining my current body fat percentage and staying within a 5-10 lb range with my weight. I'll still be food journaling but instead of focusing on carbs I will be focusing on my overall calorie intake as well as upping my protein intake to build my muscle back up. It's been freeing not having to be so precise with my carb intake and allowing myself to enjoy food again instead of being in the mindset of food=fuel. Chocolate, ice cream, yogurt, bread are my friends again. :-)
I am already feeling a mental and emotional boost from taking this short break from being so precise and restrictive with my training and eating. I have been working so hard, nonstop for over 6 months with the main goal all along to get to the point where I would be competition ready. My mental/emotional endurance was running out. Now that the possibility of reaching that goal is simply out of reach for the short term I am ready to loosen the grip on my self discipline and rigidity in my training and eating.
I know that this break is right on time and it will allow me to grow in love with my workouts again and alleviate some of the stress of planning meals and maintaining such a strict workout regime. It's been nice not to be so hard on myself to fit all my training in and freeing to not feel so guilty if I don't get to a workout every day or eat something I shouldn't.
I would also like to start working on some of my career goals and implementing a plan of action to keep moving forward. I'm excited to see what I can do in the next few months to achieve this goal. I have several things in brain rotation.
On the health front, I am feeling really good physically. I am hoping that this week will be a changing one, as I see my doctor on Wednesday and will hopefully, finally be ready to start my "forever" medication and begin tapering off this prednisone. *fingers crossed*
I am continuing to put one foot in front of the other and refuse to look back. It's only forward movement and thinking for me. And I am continuing to gain strength and motivation from all of my wonderfully supportive family and friends. I don't know if I could have pushed through all of this entirely on my own. I am genuinely most grateful and appreciative of every one's love. <3
"My friends are my estate." - Emily Dickinson.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Sometimes we must use the wings we are given to not only fly but to soar
I have so much in my head I don't know where to start.....
My Health:
I am heading into week 3 on prednisone. Since my last update, a lot has happened. My last appointment with my GI was better then expected. I admit that it has been a slow process trusting my doctor and accepting his course of action but working with him over the past couple of weeks has made me realize what an awesome doctor he really is. He has been so supportive and willing to work with me and has spent so much time really explaining the steps to me as well as truly listening to my concerns and ideas. I consider myself lucky to have found him.
I was tasked with making a decision on my "forever" medication. He gave me four choices that I spent an entire weekend researching. After narrowing it down to 2, calling my insurance to determine coverage and co-pay, it simply came down to affordability. Convenience also played an important role, but bottom line was the cheapest monthly copay won out.
This medication is one that I will now have to take once a day for the rest of my life. It is the drug that will keep me in remission and able to live a life with normal digestion. I have come to accept that no matter how much I don't want to admit it, I have a disease that I cannot control without meds. My quality of life depends on it.
I had a stressful week last week after I made my decision, however. I had to go in for yet another blood test/genetic testing to determine if my body will be able to metabolize this new medication and provide a baseline before I start taking it. I will have to go in for occasional blood tests (not sure how often) to monitor the medication in my system.
I see my doctor next week and hopefully will be ready to start this new med so that we can start tapering off the prednisone. This new medication can take 2-3 months (of being in my system) before it starts working so we will begin tapering as soon as I start it so that we can hopefully time it where I am off the prednisone when the new med kicks in. Guess work, time, patience and hope.
My training:
Last Monday was my first day back in the gym. Strength training was really difficult last week. I was really able to feel how much strength I had lost in such a short amount of time (2 weeks without lifting). It was all kinds of discouraging. It was tough on me mentally and I had a really hard time pushing through the emotional wall last week. A couple conversations with a couple of my trainer friends in the gym gave me hope and helped me push through as best as I could. I just tried to focus on the now and let go of the yesterday. I will be the first to admit it was a really hard thing to do.
Yesterday was the start of week two and I definitely felt much stronger yesterday. I had a pretty good lift session and today's workout was pretty good too. I can feel some things coming back and others struggling to get there. My mindset has been much more focused this week and I feel a little more hopeful.
It's been really tough digesting my muscle mass loss and strength but I know that I can get back to where I was if I just remember the dedication and self discipline that got me there in the first place. Time to dig deep, Jill.
There is a competition here in the Phoenix area on November 5th. A little less then 4 weeks away. I would love, love, love to do this show. I just don't know if my body will be ready by then. I know my my mind will follow whatever path my body decides to take. For now the plan is to push through this week, devise a new workout plan for next week and evaluate my body at the end of next week.
I decided tonight that what shall be, will be. Ideally I would do this show in November and take the rest of the year off from diet restrictions and heavy training and focus on maintaining where I am now so that come January 2nd I can start training hard for the show in the Spring (March/April). I want to enjoy the holiday months sans guilt and training stress.
If my body says no, then I am ready to accept that. Ultimately, my body will be the boss on this one.
My emotional/mental health:
I'll be the first to admit that the last few weeks have been the biggest, longest roller coaster ride I have been on in a very long time. It's been chalk full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows; many I wasn't sure I could get through. But somehow, some way I did.
"History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats."
I've been really trying to concentrate on refocusing my thoughts and energy when I find myself thinking negatively or when I am feeling discouraged. My own self deprecation is my worst enemy. It can stop me dead in my tracks if I let it and I have decided I will not let it.
New mantra: I can. I have. I will again.
It also helps to have such amazing friends and family that believe in me. All of that positive encouragement lifts my spirits and helps me get through on those days that are tough.
Short term/long term goals:
The list is in progress, but firming up. Short term goals are taking precedent for now. Forward thinking only.
Tomorrow:
I continue to look ahead and push through the mental and emotional garbage. Only option.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." - Albert Einstein
My Health:
I am heading into week 3 on prednisone. Since my last update, a lot has happened. My last appointment with my GI was better then expected. I admit that it has been a slow process trusting my doctor and accepting his course of action but working with him over the past couple of weeks has made me realize what an awesome doctor he really is. He has been so supportive and willing to work with me and has spent so much time really explaining the steps to me as well as truly listening to my concerns and ideas. I consider myself lucky to have found him.
I was tasked with making a decision on my "forever" medication. He gave me four choices that I spent an entire weekend researching. After narrowing it down to 2, calling my insurance to determine coverage and co-pay, it simply came down to affordability. Convenience also played an important role, but bottom line was the cheapest monthly copay won out.
This medication is one that I will now have to take once a day for the rest of my life. It is the drug that will keep me in remission and able to live a life with normal digestion. I have come to accept that no matter how much I don't want to admit it, I have a disease that I cannot control without meds. My quality of life depends on it.
I had a stressful week last week after I made my decision, however. I had to go in for yet another blood test/genetic testing to determine if my body will be able to metabolize this new medication and provide a baseline before I start taking it. I will have to go in for occasional blood tests (not sure how often) to monitor the medication in my system.
I see my doctor next week and hopefully will be ready to start this new med so that we can start tapering off the prednisone. This new medication can take 2-3 months (of being in my system) before it starts working so we will begin tapering as soon as I start it so that we can hopefully time it where I am off the prednisone when the new med kicks in. Guess work, time, patience and hope.
My training:
Last Monday was my first day back in the gym. Strength training was really difficult last week. I was really able to feel how much strength I had lost in such a short amount of time (2 weeks without lifting). It was all kinds of discouraging. It was tough on me mentally and I had a really hard time pushing through the emotional wall last week. A couple conversations with a couple of my trainer friends in the gym gave me hope and helped me push through as best as I could. I just tried to focus on the now and let go of the yesterday. I will be the first to admit it was a really hard thing to do.
Yesterday was the start of week two and I definitely felt much stronger yesterday. I had a pretty good lift session and today's workout was pretty good too. I can feel some things coming back and others struggling to get there. My mindset has been much more focused this week and I feel a little more hopeful.
It's been really tough digesting my muscle mass loss and strength but I know that I can get back to where I was if I just remember the dedication and self discipline that got me there in the first place. Time to dig deep, Jill.
There is a competition here in the Phoenix area on November 5th. A little less then 4 weeks away. I would love, love, love to do this show. I just don't know if my body will be ready by then. I know my my mind will follow whatever path my body decides to take. For now the plan is to push through this week, devise a new workout plan for next week and evaluate my body at the end of next week.
I decided tonight that what shall be, will be. Ideally I would do this show in November and take the rest of the year off from diet restrictions and heavy training and focus on maintaining where I am now so that come January 2nd I can start training hard for the show in the Spring (March/April). I want to enjoy the holiday months sans guilt and training stress.
If my body says no, then I am ready to accept that. Ultimately, my body will be the boss on this one.
My emotional/mental health:
I'll be the first to admit that the last few weeks have been the biggest, longest roller coaster ride I have been on in a very long time. It's been chalk full of ups and downs, twists and turns, highs and lows; many I wasn't sure I could get through. But somehow, some way I did.
"History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats."
I've been really trying to concentrate on refocusing my thoughts and energy when I find myself thinking negatively or when I am feeling discouraged. My own self deprecation is my worst enemy. It can stop me dead in my tracks if I let it and I have decided I will not let it.
New mantra: I can. I have. I will again.
It also helps to have such amazing friends and family that believe in me. All of that positive encouragement lifts my spirits and helps me get through on those days that are tough.
Short term/long term goals:
The list is in progress, but firming up. Short term goals are taking precedent for now. Forward thinking only.
Tomorrow:
I continue to look ahead and push through the mental and emotional garbage. Only option.
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." - Albert Einstein
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