Learning self forgiveness is a long and winding road

I ate a piece of cake. There. I said it out loud. Hrmpf.

At first, I was definitely feeling defeated. And angry. At myself. Self discipline is a learning curve. And so is self forgiveness. It is a one step forward, two steps back kinda journey. I learned that when I embarked on the weight loss train nearly 5 years ago.

Learning to forgive myself for the missteps has been difficult, to say the least. It's so hard not to beat myself up when I do something that I know is clearly counter intuitive to my progress. I've been trying to consciously stop and ask myself, "Will this choice get me to my end goal?", but there are still times when I shout a resounding NO and yet I still knowingly make the wrong choice.

I've begun to realize more and more lately, how most of those "wrong" choices are linked to food. Yes. Food is my obsession and I am the first person to admit it. I've never shyed away from the well known fact that I love food and I simply love to eat. I enjoy stopping to taste my food. I enjoy trying new things. I love eating foods that make me happy or bring back fond memories.

There is so much emotion tied into food and eating. We eat to celebrate holidays. We eat to celebrate birthdays. We eat to celebrate accomplishments. Happiness and contentment are all wrapped up into eating. So why wouldn't someone love to eat?!

Moderation. Moderation. Moderation. You hear it all the time. I've read that when embarking on such a restrictive diet as the one that I am on, 90% compliance is an acceptable goal. Meaning, you should strive for adhering  90% of the time, and the other 10% is wiggle room for "off limits" food.

Sometimes my 90% is 75%. :-( But you know what? I will not beat myself up about it. I will move the F on. That is simply the only choice I have if I want to stay sane. Well, you know, in my sense of the word sane,anyways. ;-)  I've learned from the past, that if I berate myself I'll make more bad choices. So I must consciously decide to let the emotions run their course: anger, sadness, disappointment, frustration. Then pick myself up and do better when the next choice comes along.

I will not lie. It's not always that easy. I have moments of weakness just like the next person. It's learning to fight through it all that is the battle. So I will put on my boxing gloves and duke it out with my conscious, cause that's really what I am fighting.

And maybe, just maybe my continued journey with it's accomplishments and defeats will continue to encourage and inspire.